No More Milky-Milks

Don't ask why, but for some reason I started to refer to my breast milk as "milky-milks", as in, "Does Alia want some milky-milks?" Anyway, this is something I meant to write about earlier, but never got around to.

My milk came in as soon as I left the hospital. I had an abundance, so much that it was painful. We went strong for four weeks with no supplementing, and then suddenly things started to go downhill. At first I thought, "Well, she must be going through a growth spurt and my body just can't keep up with her feeding demands." But then it only got worse. I had to start giving her formula more and more often. I would try to not give her the formula, and would instead just try to breastfeed her more often, thinking, "This will teach my body to make more milk." But it didn't work, and just left both of us feeling frustrated instead. The horrible thing was, I would always breastfeed her first, and then finish off with formula, but after having breast milk, she would fight the bottle. It made me feel horrible, like I was forcing her to eat something she hated.

But gradually that changed, too. By 8 weeks, I was down to only being able to feed her breast milk once a day, and by the point, she would have trouble latching on because she was more used to a bottle. I would try to breastfeed her, and she would jerk her head from side to side, getting frustrated, as though I was teasing her or something and denying her food. After that, it went downhill pretty fast. Soon I could only feed her once every two days, then every three days, and by the time she was 10 weeks old, I stopped making milk altogether.

I'm used to being a "formula feeding mom" at this point, but I still feel like people judge me when I pull out a bottle in public for Alia. Plus, formula is horribly expensive. It's like the formula companies know that you have no alternative, so they can raise their prices as high as they want. I've heard that most of the time there's a reason behind having a low milk supply, and the only reason I can think of was the birth control I was using. The doctor gave me a prescription for the mini-pill, which is supposed to be safe for breastfeeding, and isn't supposed to affect your supply, but my supply started to drop right about the same time that I started taking the pill. When I realized that, I immediately stopped taking it, but by then the damage was done. Next time we have a baby, I will make sure to avoid all forms of hormonal birth control and see if there's an improvement.

Until then, I'll just remind myself that a mother's love comes from her heart...not her breasts.

Clear Creek 2012

Part of our group, eating lunch at Zion's Natl. Park

Well, we just got back yesterday from another great family reunion at Clear Creek (a big lodge down near Zion's National Park). We got there Thursday night around 11pm, after a seven hour drive with Alia (normally we can do the trip in about five hours, but all of our stops added another couple of hours). She did okay, though she definitely did not like being strapped in her car seat for that long. There weren't too many people there on Thursday, but we spent a little time talking to the few who were, and then hit the sack.

This is the way Alia prefers to be held these days.

On Friday, we had a fun-filled day of hanging out with family, chatting, eating great food, and playing games. It was nice to see the family from California, especially, since we don't get to see them as often. Taylor and Janae's little girl, Molly, is about two years old now, and she loved to look at Alia, and "help out". Whenever she saw me, she would say, "Where the baby at?" It was pretty darn cute. Alia had a great time being held by everyone, although she's gotten pretty particular about how she likes to be held. She wants to be facing out so she can see everything, and she wants you to be walking around, I guess so that she can she more stuff.



Going hiking with Alia in the little "back pack" carrier.

On Saturday, we went to Zion's National Park for a picnic and some hiking. Unfortunately, it was cold and windy, which wasn't so fun. We ate on the grass out in front of the Zion's Lodge, but we were all huddling with out hoods up to keep out of the wind. Alia was just screaming and crying the whole time. After we got her inside the lodge, changed her diaper, and fed her, she was feeling a little better, so Trevor and I set out to go for a little hike. We did the Weeping Rock trail, which is probably the shortest hike in Zion's, but it was about all she could handle. When we got back to Clear Creek, we helped make Taco Salads for dinner, and then Trevor and I watched a movie together to finish out the evening.

Trevor and Alia "chilling" after church.

On Sunday we drove into Orderville for church, though Trevor and I were a little late since Alia needed to be fed just as we were trying to leave. After church, we went back to Clear Creek and took some family pictures, including a huge group picture in our matching Koch shirts. Even Alia had a matching shirt, though hers was more like a dress, since the smallest size they came in was a 2T. After that, Trevor's cousin Kati offered to take some professional photos of Alia for us, and they are so cute! (I'll include them in a blog post when she sends me to final copies). We then had a big family get together where everyone gave their updates for their family, and then we had a little devotional, and then played a game of Family Feud (boys against girls...sadly, the boys won). That night, before Trevor's uncle John left, he gave everyone chiropractic adjustments, including me. It was nice afterwards, but still weirded me out as he was doing it.

Eating some tasty ice cream after hiking in Zions.
A Koch family tradition. :)

On Monday, we packed everything up and then hit the road once more. We made better time coming home, since Alia decided to sleep longer, which was great. It was sad to say goodbye to everyone, and re-enter the "real world" once more, but I'm already looking forward to next year, when Alia will be toddling around, hopefully with her cousin Addison. (Dan and Lisa, unfortunately, couldn't make it this year, and though we all missed them, we're looking forward to seeing them later this summer!)

I am so lucky to be a part of the Koch family. They are such a big, fun, loving group of people, and the importance of family is so central to who they are. I love that we get together, not only at Clear Creek every year, but also every couple of months for holiday parties or just because. I am proud to be a Koch!

Two Months Old



I have a doctor's appointment today?
Okay, I guess I can handle that...

Our little girl is growing so fast! Yesterday, she had her two month appointment with the pediatrician, and she now weighs 9lbs 12oz! No wonder my arms are starting to get tired. When she was born, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight, now she's int he 22nd percentile! She's also 22 inches long, which means her body is finally catching up with her big head (so maybe holding up her head will get a little easier).


Wait, what? I have to get SHOTS???

She also had to get some shots unfortunately. I held her arms and tried to comfort her while they did it, but it was so hard for me. I'd never heard her cry in pain like that, and hearing her almost made me cry, too. She had a hard time that night, and I felt so helpless to help. I wish we didn't have to go through this again in two months.

In happier news, today is Mother's day! I was so excited to celebrate my first mother's day (even though Alia is still too young to actually make me a card or anything). Trevor was so good to me, though. He got up and made me breakfast (breakfast burritos, my favorite!) and then he made cute little notes and hid them around the house (I still haven't found them all...). In church, the women all got tomato plants, which was new, since usually it's a flower. We'll see if I can keep it alive...

I am so happy to be a mother. I love Alia so much, and can't imagine my life without her. Her smiles brighten up my day in a way that little else can. I am so lucky to have her. :)

(By the way, I bought this shirt when we were in Mexico last year. I was pregnant at the time, but I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl yet. When I saw the little dress that matched my shirt, I had to buy it...just in case. Haha.)