No More Milky-Milks

Don't ask why, but for some reason I started to refer to my breast milk as "milky-milks", as in, "Does Alia want some milky-milks?" Anyway, this is something I meant to write about earlier, but never got around to.

My milk came in as soon as I left the hospital. I had an abundance, so much that it was painful. We went strong for four weeks with no supplementing, and then suddenly things started to go downhill. At first I thought, "Well, she must be going through a growth spurt and my body just can't keep up with her feeding demands." But then it only got worse. I had to start giving her formula more and more often. I would try to not give her the formula, and would instead just try to breastfeed her more often, thinking, "This will teach my body to make more milk." But it didn't work, and just left both of us feeling frustrated instead. The horrible thing was, I would always breastfeed her first, and then finish off with formula, but after having breast milk, she would fight the bottle. It made me feel horrible, like I was forcing her to eat something she hated.

But gradually that changed, too. By 8 weeks, I was down to only being able to feed her breast milk once a day, and by the point, she would have trouble latching on because she was more used to a bottle. I would try to breastfeed her, and she would jerk her head from side to side, getting frustrated, as though I was teasing her or something and denying her food. After that, it went downhill pretty fast. Soon I could only feed her once every two days, then every three days, and by the time she was 10 weeks old, I stopped making milk altogether.

I'm used to being a "formula feeding mom" at this point, but I still feel like people judge me when I pull out a bottle in public for Alia. Plus, formula is horribly expensive. It's like the formula companies know that you have no alternative, so they can raise their prices as high as they want. I've heard that most of the time there's a reason behind having a low milk supply, and the only reason I can think of was the birth control I was using. The doctor gave me a prescription for the mini-pill, which is supposed to be safe for breastfeeding, and isn't supposed to affect your supply, but my supply started to drop right about the same time that I started taking the pill. When I realized that, I immediately stopped taking it, but by then the damage was done. Next time we have a baby, I will make sure to avoid all forms of hormonal birth control and see if there's an improvement.

Until then, I'll just remind myself that a mother's love comes from her heart...not her breasts.

Clear Creek 2012

Part of our group, eating lunch at Zion's Natl. Park

Well, we just got back yesterday from another great family reunion at Clear Creek (a big lodge down near Zion's National Park). We got there Thursday night around 11pm, after a seven hour drive with Alia (normally we can do the trip in about five hours, but all of our stops added another couple of hours). She did okay, though she definitely did not like being strapped in her car seat for that long. There weren't too many people there on Thursday, but we spent a little time talking to the few who were, and then hit the sack.

This is the way Alia prefers to be held these days.

On Friday, we had a fun-filled day of hanging out with family, chatting, eating great food, and playing games. It was nice to see the family from California, especially, since we don't get to see them as often. Taylor and Janae's little girl, Molly, is about two years old now, and she loved to look at Alia, and "help out". Whenever she saw me, she would say, "Where the baby at?" It was pretty darn cute. Alia had a great time being held by everyone, although she's gotten pretty particular about how she likes to be held. She wants to be facing out so she can see everything, and she wants you to be walking around, I guess so that she can she more stuff.



Going hiking with Alia in the little "back pack" carrier.

On Saturday, we went to Zion's National Park for a picnic and some hiking. Unfortunately, it was cold and windy, which wasn't so fun. We ate on the grass out in front of the Zion's Lodge, but we were all huddling with out hoods up to keep out of the wind. Alia was just screaming and crying the whole time. After we got her inside the lodge, changed her diaper, and fed her, she was feeling a little better, so Trevor and I set out to go for a little hike. We did the Weeping Rock trail, which is probably the shortest hike in Zion's, but it was about all she could handle. When we got back to Clear Creek, we helped make Taco Salads for dinner, and then Trevor and I watched a movie together to finish out the evening.

Trevor and Alia "chilling" after church.

On Sunday we drove into Orderville for church, though Trevor and I were a little late since Alia needed to be fed just as we were trying to leave. After church, we went back to Clear Creek and took some family pictures, including a huge group picture in our matching Koch shirts. Even Alia had a matching shirt, though hers was more like a dress, since the smallest size they came in was a 2T. After that, Trevor's cousin Kati offered to take some professional photos of Alia for us, and they are so cute! (I'll include them in a blog post when she sends me to final copies). We then had a big family get together where everyone gave their updates for their family, and then we had a little devotional, and then played a game of Family Feud (boys against girls...sadly, the boys won). That night, before Trevor's uncle John left, he gave everyone chiropractic adjustments, including me. It was nice afterwards, but still weirded me out as he was doing it.

Eating some tasty ice cream after hiking in Zions.
A Koch family tradition. :)

On Monday, we packed everything up and then hit the road once more. We made better time coming home, since Alia decided to sleep longer, which was great. It was sad to say goodbye to everyone, and re-enter the "real world" once more, but I'm already looking forward to next year, when Alia will be toddling around, hopefully with her cousin Addison. (Dan and Lisa, unfortunately, couldn't make it this year, and though we all missed them, we're looking forward to seeing them later this summer!)

I am so lucky to be a part of the Koch family. They are such a big, fun, loving group of people, and the importance of family is so central to who they are. I love that we get together, not only at Clear Creek every year, but also every couple of months for holiday parties or just because. I am proud to be a Koch!

Two Months Old



I have a doctor's appointment today?
Okay, I guess I can handle that...

Our little girl is growing so fast! Yesterday, she had her two month appointment with the pediatrician, and she now weighs 9lbs 12oz! No wonder my arms are starting to get tired. When she was born, she was in the 2nd percentile for weight, now she's int he 22nd percentile! She's also 22 inches long, which means her body is finally catching up with her big head (so maybe holding up her head will get a little easier).


Wait, what? I have to get SHOTS???

She also had to get some shots unfortunately. I held her arms and tried to comfort her while they did it, but it was so hard for me. I'd never heard her cry in pain like that, and hearing her almost made me cry, too. She had a hard time that night, and I felt so helpless to help. I wish we didn't have to go through this again in two months.

In happier news, today is Mother's day! I was so excited to celebrate my first mother's day (even though Alia is still too young to actually make me a card or anything). Trevor was so good to me, though. He got up and made me breakfast (breakfast burritos, my favorite!) and then he made cute little notes and hid them around the house (I still haven't found them all...). In church, the women all got tomato plants, which was new, since usually it's a flower. We'll see if I can keep it alive...

I am so happy to be a mother. I love Alia so much, and can't imagine my life without her. Her smiles brighten up my day in a way that little else can. I am so lucky to have her. :)

(By the way, I bought this shirt when we were in Mexico last year. I was pregnant at the time, but I didn't know if I was having a boy or girl yet. When I saw the little dress that matched my shirt, I had to buy it...just in case. Haha.)

Baby Smiles

Alia smiles now! This was something I was really eager for, so I'm so excited about it. At first she would just make cute little half-smiles in her sleep, which I enjoyed, but I wanted those big, full-mouth smiles. Then, on April 9th, I got my first real smile! I had gotten Alia out of bed and decided to lay her on Trevor's side of our bed (since he was at work) and I laid down next to her, and was just watching her. She was looking around, and then noticed me. She looked at my face for a few seconds, and then gave me a big smile. My heart melted! After that, though, her smiles were still really rare.

Now that she's a month and a half old, though, she's started to smile a lot more! I finally caught a good smile with my camera (not her best smile, but better than my previous attempts!).

Our first "sleepy smile" that we captured.

Almost smiling...

Getting closer...

Well, she's sort of awake...

Finally! A picture of a proper smile!

The Birth Story

Okay, so I figure I better post my birth experience before I forget to!

So on March 8th I had my 38 week appointment. My doctor gave me an internal exam and told me that I was 4cm dilated, she didn't say how effaced, but at my last week's appointment I was 60% effaced, so I knew it had to at least be that. We talked about stripping my membranes (sounds fun, huh?) at my next appointment to get things moving, because as she said, "Your cervix is ready, but your uterus needs to get going." Well, I went home from my appointment, took a walk, and started to feel crampy. I was so excited because it was the first sign I'd had that labor might be on it's way. So I decided to start timing the contractions, and they were already 5-6 minutes apart. So I timed them for an hour, and by that time they were every 3-4 minutes apart, so I told Trevor that we should probably go to the hospital (since my doctor had warned me that labor might move quickly for me).

When I got to the hospital at 7pm, contractions were about every 2 1/2 minutes, and they told me I was 5cm dilated. An hour and half later, I was at a 6, and so they broke my water and started putting in an IV so I could have my epidural. It took them almost a half an hour to place the IV, and I'm not very good with needles, so this was one of the worst parts of labor for me. After they gave me my epidural, the pain receded and Trevor and I spent a few hours watching TV until they came to check me. I was only at 6 1/2 cm! I was so disappointed, and they told me that if I hadn't made much progress when they checked me next time, they might start pitocin to get things moving. So an hour and a half went by, and I was at a 9! Shortly after that, I was at a 10, but they decided to let me rest while the baby descended a little, because she obviously wasn't too excited to leave the womb. At 3:30am they had me start pushing and Alia wasn't born until 6:38, so there was a lot of pushing and it was pretty exhausting. They ended up giving my an episiotomy (they didn't ask if I wanted one, but at that point I really didn't care, I just wanted to get her out!). They told me that they would have to look after the baby as soon as she was born, so they wouldn't be able to place her on my chest, and my husband couldn't cut the cord, because she had meconium in her amniotic fluid and because I'd had a fever during the last few hours of labor. So that was sad. However, my mind was taken off of it pretty quickly because they had a hard time getting the placenta to detach, so they were kneading my stomach pretty hard which hurt like crazy because the epidural was wearing off. After that, they stitched me up, which really hurt because at that point I was feeling everything. But it was all worth it, and aside from the placenta, the stitches, and the IV, labor really wasn't that bad, just tiring.

She was 5lbs, 7oz and 17in long, and the doctor said that my placenta might have been wearing out, and that's why she was so small. The funny thing is, the doctor also said that she had a lot of the characteristics of a baby who has gone overdue, like the meconium in the waters, and really wrinkly skin, especially on her hands and feet. But she is healthy, and breastfeeding really well. They had to test her for jaundice, and although she was high risk for a few days, she never got it, and now is just fine.

Trevor and I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful, beautiful little girl. She might not let us sleep much, but we wouldn't trade her for anything!

Full-term!

36 Weeks (Nine months)

I know it doesn't really mean much, since most babies (especially first babies) will hold off until 40+ weeks anyway, but it's really exciting to know that if she were born right now, she would be just fine. Also, I can start hoping that she comes soon without feeling bad about it. Hehe...

I had my 36 week appointment last week and I was 2cm dilated and 60% effaced, which was great news, because it means that my body is doing something! Of course, I know I might still go over due, but I'm hoping that there will be more progress at my 37 week appointment this Wednesday. As for me, I'm still feeling pretty good, but I'm definately more tired lately. I can easily sleep 10-12 hours a night (and not even feel like I've over-slept). Also, my Braxton Hicks contractions have started to feel a little more uncomfortable, sometimes giving me a dull ache in my lower back. All in all, I'd just rather hold our little girl in my arms rather than my stomach at this point!

We've Moved!

Our unit is the on the top left (if you're facing the building)

Well, I figured it was time for an update! Trevor and I recently bought a four-plex (we're living in one of the units, and renting out the other three). By doing so, we've eliminated our house payment/rent, which makes it possible for me to stay home with the baby when she gets here. So the last few weeks have been SUPER busy with all the packing, moving, and unpacking, not to mention that fact that we had to buy and assemble a dresser (Ikea all the way, baby), install some blinds, get a new toilet, have the dryer vents cleaned for the whole building, etc. But Trevor is such a champ, and a great handyman. He has been so on top of things, and is always telling me to stop lifting things, and take it easy (which is hard at times, because nesting is setting in, and I go through periods when I just can't stop cleaning and organizing). But slowly, but surely, our home is coming together.

Yesterday was also my last day of work. My kids went off track yesterday, and won't come back on until February 27th, at which point I would already be 37 weeks pregnant (which is considered full-term). So I figured that quitting my job right now would be the smartest decision, but it was hard to say goodbye to those kiddos. Two of my sixth grade girls were bawling, and it was soooo hard to keep myself from crying. My sixth graders all brought in money and the teacher used it to buy me some baby gifts, which they surprised me with on Friday. It was so sweet of them! They all wrote me little cards as well, which they had hanging from the presents. The fifth graders all wrote me notes as well, and some of them were pretty funny, actually. A few of them told me to "have fun on my trip"....huh? Wasn't aware I was going on one! And one student even said, "I hope your baby is a boy." Well, I hope not, seeing as pretty much all my baby stuff is pink! I got some pictures of me with the classes (a normal one, and a goofy one, but I like the goofy ones the best, because it really shows their silly personalities).

My sixth graders

My fifth graders

32 Weeks (Eight months)

 As for me and little Alia, all is going just fine. I'm almost 34 weeks right now, but I'll go ahead and post my 32 week picture, since I kind of got behind in my blogging. Trevor and I just started our child birthing classes up at the hospital, and during our first class they had us watch a video about the stages of labor, and they showed a few women giving birth, including the birthing of the placenta. It was so funny, because the next morning, Trevor said, "I've seen a placenta being birthed...I'll just never be the same now." I have to agree, it was pretty gross, so needless to say, I don't think I'll be one of the women who wants a mirror so she can watch the whole thing happening, at least not with my first delivery.

It's interesting, at the beginning of my pregnancy, everyone kept telling me that I was showing so early, and that I was probably going to be huge at the end, but now I all get are "small" comments, like, "You're due next month? Wow, you just look so small," or "Aww, it's like a cute little basketball." I just think it's funny how everyone has different ideas of what's big and small. But let me tell you, I don't feel small, especially when I'm leaning over to tie my shoes, or bumping my stomach into things, or having to bend over to pick stuff up because I drop EVERYTHING these days. But hey, I only have, like three more weeks until I'm full term! Woohoo!